The Cola Report
by: Chris Bob
ATLANTA—On March 1, The Coca-Cola company announced its plans to merge with arch-rival Pepsi-Cola. The first new soft drink slated for production will replace both Pepsi and Coke. PepCok™ will combine the two popular drinks into one.
"It's brilliant," exclaimed Coke CEO Jack Callahan. "The Coke-Pepsi war is over. If you like Coke, its Coke. If you like Pepsi, its Pepsi. There's no more debate."
While the nation stood in shock, Supporters of Coca-Cola Classic began to express their disapproval with the new beverage.
"I don't want Pepsi in my Coke!" Exclaimed Jim Sack, a long-time Coke fan.
"I pity the fool who buys anything with the word "cok" in it," said Mr. T, at a recent press conference.
In a related story, Britney Spears' boobs were actually filled with PepCok™ back in the early stages of development. It was originally going to be a marketing tool for the new company.
When boyfriend Justin Timberlake was asked to comment the whole situation, he replied, "They feel great! I can't stop playing with them!"