The Crime Report
by: Bill H.
BROOMALL, PA—Local janitor claims that Oswald and his pet dog "Weenie" have stolen his soul and more importantly, his pants.
Eyewitness Tony Costanza, alias "Deuce" and "Two-Ton Tony" described this: "Man, I could really go for a weenie right about now."
Local authorities have found the soul discarded in a soiled duffel bag on Lawrence Road, but to the dismay of a certain janitor, the pants remain missing.