The Homeless Man Report
by: Daniel Riehs
BOSTON—Fifty-seven-year-old homeless man Stan Fienman hopes to elevate himself to the level of street performer as soon as possible, sources reported.
Fienman's plan involves "getting two big ol' buckets and pounding on them like some drums," said an acquaintance of Fienman.
While experts are unsure if faux drums have the ability to elevate a person to a higher street echelon, most residents agree that the city of Boston can only get noisier if this plan comes to fruition.
"I like drums," said Boston mayor Thomas M. Menino.