The Smoking Report
by: Daniel Riehs
CHICAGO—Neighborhood smoker Randal Greene became enraged Tuesday after reading a "Thank You For Not Smoking" sign in his dentist's waiting room.
"He just started yelling at the sign," said one observer. "He was trying to be real sarcastic, like 'Oh! You're welcome. I'm glad that I've been able to help you, Mr. Sign. . . . Mr. Stupid Sign!'"
At a recent press conference, Greene's mother seemed unsympathetic towards her son's situation.
"I've never approved of smoking," Mrs. Greene told reporters. "It's a filthy habit. Of course, so is loud sarcasm that involves the personification of inanimate objects."
Added Greene, "I'm sorry. That was redundant."