Neighborhood Man Eats At IHOP
by: Daniel Riehs
PALM SPRINGS, Calif.—Earnest Wesley, a retired television repairman, recently visited the Indian Canyon Drive location of the International House of Pancakes.
Sources close to Wesley say that he entered the restaurant at approximately 9:40 on Tuesday morning. He was seated five minutes later, and then spent approximately fifteen minutes examining the menu.
"Originally I had planned on ordering some of their award-winning pancakes. I mean when in Rome . . ." said Wesley. He then continued,—seemingly oblivious to the fact that he had failed to finish his previous sentence—by saying "The prices were so expensive. For a moment I contemplated ordering an egg sandwich with a side order of scrapple, but then decided against it. I finally ended up getting a Western omelette with a carafe of orange juice."
Although pundits have labeled Wesley's decision to order an entire carafe of juice for himself, as a "faux pas of indeterminate proportions," The former TV repair guy defends his decision.
"Those glasses of orange juice that they usually give you are about this big," stated Wesley as he held up his thumb and index fingers about an inch apart. (Although Scientists have yet to determine the methods that Wesley used to convert liquid volume into liner measure they estimated that he was speaking of a "very small amount of juice.")
Following his ordering session, Wesley began to play with the syrup containers that were on his table.
"I had never seen strawberry syrup before. That must of been one of the international things about the restaurant. People probably eat strawberry syrup in Belgium, with all their crazy waffle traditions."
Dennis DeYoung, the former lead singer of Styx, had the following to say about the IHOP situation, "What the hell is this article supposed to be about? Are you trying to poke fun at IHOP, or just satirize the news media in general? And why are you interviewing me?"
He then added in a confused, yet deliberate tone of voice, "Crazy . . . waffle . . . traditions?"
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