Increasing Number Of Adults Tried As Minors For Childish Crimes
by: Daniel Riehs
WASHINGTON—A new study released Thursday showed a drastic increase in the number of adults being tried as minors over the last five years.
Henry S. Schleiff, Chairman and CEO of Court TV, had the following explanation of the study's findings.
"For years, the US court system has been divided into two parts, one section to examine childish crimes, and the other division to try defendants accused of 'adult' crimes. During the late 80s, the system's purpose became lost. People over the age of 18—regardless of their crimes—were tried as adults and given severe sentences. This so-called 'new' trend is simply a return to the Founding Fathers' purpose for the two-court system."
In a recent interview, Michael Dean, the general contractor for several court buildings in the Houston area, seemed to agree with Schleiff's theory.
"Trying all adults in adult courts misses the whole purpose of the system that we have in place. An adult who commits a childish crime, such as stealing a carton of cigarettes, or beating up an old lady, is much more likely to reform than a adult who steals a car. Petty criminals are this nation's future. Throwing them in jail is like throwing away our future. . . . in a trash can . . . a really big, smelly trash can.
When asked his opinion on the situation, Dennis DeYoung, the former lead singer of Styx, stated the following.
"I've been granted a restraining order against every reporter for your stupid web site. Please get off of my . . . the contractor for courthouses? What the hell? You can't just interview people who have something to do with the justice system, you need talk to experts. . . . but Roboto, what about the children?"
Following his interview, Michael Dean decided to change his statement. By "old ladies," he meant "gays."
Dean then resigned from his position.
Realizing that he didn't really have position, Dean proceeded to make a peanut-butter and jelly sandwich. Only time will tell.
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