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Volume 1, Issue 7
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Your Horoscope
by: Daniel Riehs, C.H. (Certified Horoscopist)
Aries: (March 21-April 19)
Your fondness for seventeenth-century British poetry and professional wrestling will be your undoing.
Taurus: (April 20-May 20)
Once in a while, the arm does grow back.
Gemini: (May 21-June 21)
So, now you tell me that the gnome was a drug-induced hallucination.
Cancer: (June 22-July 22)
So now you tell me that no one else finds AsGoodAsNews.com funny.
Leo: (July 23-Aug. 22)
Note: AOL member profiles are not accessible through AOL Instant Messenger.
Virgo: (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)
After a night of drunken debauchery, you will stagger home and ingest you entire state-quarter collection.
Libra: (Sept. 23-Oct. 23)
Those aren't your moccasins.
Scorpio: (Oct. 24-Nov. 21)
The metric system will eat your family. . . . one centimeter at a time.
Sagittarius: (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)
Oh, you use a laptop computer. Well, then you'll just have to kill the bear yourself. We really can't help you.
Capricorn: (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)
[Tumble weed rolls by.]
Aquarius: (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)
Safety?
Pisces: (Feb. 19-March 20)
You know what I'm talking about.
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