Bush Vows To End Tax On Hydrogen Cars
by: Daniel Riehs
WASHINTON—Both Republicans and Democrats received a surprise Tuesday when President Bush vowed to end the hydrogen car tax. The controversial announcement, delivered to a joint session of Congress as part of Bush's State of the Union Address, could release upwards of four dollars back into the struggling American economy.
"I'm pretty sure that hydrogen cars haven't been invented yet," Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan told reporters after the speech. "I'm not totally certain, though. I know teleporters haven't been invented."
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Eliminating the hydrogen car tax is the centerpiece of an extensive economic plan that Bush revealed to the nation Tuesday. Defending the tax cut at his weekly radio address, Bush said, "This money will encourage prosperity by trickling down to the country's poor—much like the pure water that trickles out of the exhaust pipe of an environmentally-friendly hydrogen-powered car and waters the lawns of the downtrodden until they are thoroughly watered with the life-giving ambrosia of watery goodness."
Both Republican and Democratic members of Congress have shown disapproval of the President's plan. Experts agree that if the proposal does survive, it will exist in a scaled-down format—possibly only being applied to hydrogen cars that have been purchased with magic beans or fairy dust.
Since his proposal came on the brink of a costly war with Iraq, the President found it necessary to justify his plan to Congress.
"This plan will obviously stimulate the economy by putting money back into the pockets of [the richest] taxpayers," said Bush, "But it will also help to finance the upcoming Iraqi conflict. You see, lower taxes means a better economy, and a better economy means more jobs, and more jobs means more taxpayers, and more taxpayers means more money collected by the government."
Following the speech, Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) was overheard asking Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) to explain the relationship between lower taxes on hydrogen cars and higher government funds. After Kennedy explained the reasoning, Daschle's head exploded.
A Senate sub-committee has been established to clean up the mess.
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