Bush Fails To Prevent Nuclear War, Learns Valuable Life Lesson
by: Daniel Riehs
WASHINGTON—President Bush failed to prevent a large-scale nuclear attack on the United States by Iran Tuesday. Experts believe that the attack could have been averted if world leaders listened to Bush's claims in recent months that Iran possessed destructive nuclear weapons.
"I just assumed it was more of his usual shenanigans," said British Prime Minister Tony Blair. "I mean, we spent so much energy on Iraq, and then it turned out Bush was joking. I really didn't have time to get involved in another one of his stupid pranks."
While the world mourns the loss of over 200 million American lives, people everywhere are hopeful that President Bush will learn a valuable lesson from his mistake.
"They really did have weapons!" Bush said at a recent press conference. "I saw the intelligence reports, and screamed, 'Weapons!' Why didn't anyone listen to me? This isn't fair!"
The President of France, Jacques Chirac, attempted to console the President in a recent public address.
"We'll help you look for survivors in the morning," Chirac told Bush. "Right now, I just want you to realize that no one ever believes a liar—even when he has the backing of Defense Secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld."
When asked to comment on lessons he had gained from the untimely and grossly unnecessary deaths of two-thirds of the American population, Bush responded, "I want to play GameBoy."
The President was then eaten by a wolf.
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