Ridge's Erie-Protection Plan Continues Despite Controversy
by: Joseph Iole
WASHINGTON—Allegations have been brought against Director of Homeland Security Tom Ridge today for showing favoritism for his hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania. These allegations follow the passing of a $3.5 billion aid package allocated to protecting Erie from biological and chemical attacks.
When questioned why Erie should receive such a package, Ridge responded, "Everyone knows the northern border of the United States is the longest unprotected border in the world. It's definitely cause for some concern."
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Above: Ridge at Lake Erie, file photo. |
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The former Mayor of Erie Joyce Savoccio had a few critical remarks.
"We are located on Lake Erie, not a land border. Not to mention we are smaller and less important than our neighbors on both sides, Buffalo and Cleveland," said Savoccio.
In response Savoccio's statement, the current Mayor of Erie, and avid democrat, Rick Fillipi was quoted as saying pointedly, "Hey, don't look a gift $3.5 billion in the mouth."
Analysts from the Bush administration have speculated a trickle-down effect. With Erie's central location, any $3.5 billion aid package would allow for the construction of a protective barrier that would stretch at least as far as Cleveland and Buffalo, N.Y. Also, because Lake Erie is the shallowest of the Great Lakes, it was determined to be the easiest for terrorists to cross.
When questions arose about what such a barrier would be made out of, Ridge responded, "I was thinking maybe make it out of some of this red tape stuff I keep hearing about. Apparently the Bush administration has some to spare."
Concerns about the source of funding for such a large aid package were put to ease after it was announced that the funds would be diverted from the $3.5 billion aid package sent to the conflict-torn country of Colombia regularly under the title Plan Colombia.
Ridge commented on the decision, "How could we even fathom putting Colombia above our threatened homeland security? It's almost as bad going to code red or code orange instead of code magenta."
The planning committee will meet this week in a one-billion-dollar plastic bubble located somewhere in central Pennsylvania to discuss what the money will be spent on.
Protesters have announced that they will continue to speak out against the aid package and against Ridge's unfairness, and have hinted of plans to cause a ruckus in downtown Erie.
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