Neighborhood College Student Questions Blind Loyalty To Liquid Plumber
by: Daniel Riehs
PISCATAWAY, N.J.—Rutgers University junior Josh Armsteen recently began to question his undying faith in Liquid Plumber for all his drain-unclogging needs.
"My parents always used liquid Plumber," said Armsteen at a press conference Tuesday. "I never even saw a bottle of Drano until I got into high school."
Sources report that Armsteen's current disillusionment with liquid Plumber began during a recent unclogging campaign in his apartment bathtub.
"The shower gets a lot of use," Armsteen told reporters. "I mean, we've got four guys living here. . . . Plus, we wash a lot of stuff."
The 21-year-old philosophy major continued, "We only had a little Liquid Plumber left in the bottle, so I poured it in. When [my roommate] Steve got back from class, I saw that he had picked up a bottle of Drano at the supermarket."
"At first, I figured that I would just return the Drano and get a bottle of Liquid Plumber," Armsteen added. "I mean, why waste six bucks when I'm just going to have to buy more stuff later? But then SpongeBob came on, so I just said 'screw it' and dumped the Drano in the tub."
When Armsteen rose the next morning and stepped into the shower, his roommates reported a loud scream emanating from the bathroom.
Experts hypothesize that Armsteen screamed with joy when he realized that his drain was no longer clogged.
"I just always assumed that I knew how to unclog drains." Said Armsteen. "But what is a person who can unclog drains, anyway? A person who blindly accepts the drain-unclogging methods of his or her parents? That doesn't seem logical. A true drain unclogger should be a person who questions his or her drain unclogging methods and searches for the best possible way to unclog his or her drain."
Added Armsteen's mother, "If Josh doesn't want to unclog his drains with Liquid Plumber, then he should just live in the woods."
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