Poopie Dies Of Typhoid Fever

by: Daniel Riehs

      CHIMNEY ROCK, Neb.—Poopie, the six-year-old son of Snot and Boob died Tuesday of typhoid fever.

      Snot, a farmer from Illinois, left for Oregon in early April in search of a new and better life for his family.

      "I knew he was sick," Snot told reporters, "Why did I ignore the warning signs? We could have at least stopped to rest."

Above: [Snicker] Look what I wrote!

      Poopie's grieving mother, Boob, blamed her son's death on a mishap on the Kansas River.

      "Poopie lost so much strength when our wagon capsized. We were so stupid to try to ford the river when it was so deep. Oh, if only we had waited for conditions to improve!"

      Snot tried to console his wife by reminding her that they had no idea how deep the river was. "I mean," said snot, "It's not like we were given a detailed report that included the width and depth of the river before we made a decision about how to cross it."

      Poopie's tombstone, which was engraved with the words "Here lies Poopie: Stupid Booger Crap," was placed along the trail in a solemn ceremony. His body was discarded in a nearby grove of trees.

      Experts hypothesize that the real cause of Poopie's demise was the fact that the family had been living without food for a full week before their son's death.

      Said one expert, "Sometime, people can get so intent on traveling the trail that they'll forget to stop and size up the situation. Many of these families don't realize that they are out of food until one of their children contracts some ridiculous disease."

      "Finding food was so difficult," Boob told reporters. "Snot kept shooting buffalos, but he could only carry one hundred pounds of meat back to the wagon. I can only imagine how many thousands of ponds of buffalo meat we left lying along the trail."

      Although they were all clearly upset over the loss, Poopie's family vowed to make their dreams come true and continue on to Oregon.

      Reiterated Snot, "Hey, it's still better than playing Math Munchers."

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