Democrats Shut Out
by: Daniel Riehs
WASHINGTON—The President Tuesday formally barred registered members of the Democratic party from receiving any benefits from the Medicare Prescription Drug and Modernization Act which was signed into law on December 8.
The controversial executive order not only prevents Democrats from receiving benefits, but also excludes Libertarians, Green Party Members, and all forms of Mollusk.
One Prominent Libertarian said to reporters, "Yeah, I'm pretty sure [George Bush] doesn't understand anything about the Libertarian party. I mean, I'm thrilled with the new law, since it brings us one step closer to a totally market-driven healthcare system."
Pundits were quick to point out that pretty much no one understands anything about the Libertarian party.
"I'm deeply upset about this turn of events," Senator Ted Kennedy (D-Mass.) told reporters. "In fact, I'm going to find it difficult to pay my taxes from now on. It's simply unacceptable to exclude seniors simply because they have left-leaning political beliefs. How can George Bush justify taking tax money from these people if they are not given a chance to benefit from that sacrifice?"
Kennedy then added, "Also, I'd like to mention that this program is untested, untried, and unworkable. It's like playing roulette with a big roulette wheel. . . . No, that's not right at all."
While President Bush has given a reasonable defense for his order-speaking of the unfairness of rewarding those people who have not made the sacrifice money toward his reelection campaign-detractors have been quick to point out that this may not be the message that the United States wishes to convey to the world.
"This really reinforces the idea that the law was about money," said Senate Minority Leader Tom Daschle (D-S.D.) "We want to show the world that this debate is really about abstract political policy."
The law goes into effect in April of 2004. It will provide one hard candy for each senior who complains of an upset stomach.
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