Neighborhood Gay Man Starting To Regret Recent Marriage
SAN FRANSISCO—Thirty-seven-year-old Steven McGinnis is starting to regret marrying long-time partner Jason Connelly in impromptu ceremony last Thursday.
"Everything was different before we got married," McGinnis said at a recent press conference. "Jason used to be spontaneous—we'd go out to clubs and have fun. . . . Now it's just all this nagging."
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Above: Gays at Home Depot, file photo. |
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McGinnis went on to explain that his new husband no longer gives him any time to himself. Instead, McGinnis is under constant pressure to "pick up his socks and fix the broken doorknob in the bathroom."
Andrew Hinman, a co-worker and friend of McGinnis, told reporters that his long-time golfing companion "just hadn't been the same since he got married."
"I suggested we go golfing on Saturday," said Hinman, "But Steve said that he had to go out to lunch with Jason and his mother. I don't know. There's just something wrong when you have to visit you mother-in-law instead of going golfing with your buddies."
Experts expect that McGinnis will slowly lose all contact with his golfing friends, as trips to the links are slowly phased out in favor of trips to the ballet, boring family events, and the Home Depot.
"It's actually kind of weird when you think about it," Added McGinnis. "Before we got married, I had never even been in a hardware store. Now all of a sudden I've got to replace like four doorknobs and fix two leaky faucets. . . . It's weird."
McGinnis' new husband could not be reached for comment, but the couple's neighbor was able to contribute the following statement.
"I want to marry my dog."
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