Neighborhood Teacher Creates Absurd Metaphors
SAN ANTONIO—Milo Anderson, a 35-year-old computer science teacher at Douglas MacArthur High School, spent the entire class period Tuesday speaking in metaphor, sources reported.
"Mr. Anderson was trying to teach us how functions related to each other in computer programs," said junior Stacy Marlin, a student in Anderson's class. She then went on describe how Anderson accomplished this feat, making sure to accentuate her speech with numerous finger quotes.
"Mr. Anderson was trying to teach us how functions related to each other in computer programs," said junior Stacy Marlin, a student in Anderson's class. She then went on describe how Anderson accomplished this feat, making sure to accentuate her speech with numerous finger quotes.
"It's really a pretty simple concept," said Marlin, "But he insisted on constructing this grandiose allegory in which each student was a function, and our combined purpose, or the purpose of the computer program, was to build the classroom we were sitting in. I think I was the seat-installation function. . . . I'm not sure."
When questioned by reporters, other students in Anderson's class seemed just as disillusioned as Marlin.
"I was just thinking, 'Shut up I get the point,'" said seventeen-year-old Matthew Williamson. "You're just telling us that functions are basically subroutines, and each function in a program can call every function in the same program. I get it. There's no freakin' reason to assign some sort of metaphorical job to each person in the class, with me being the paint-stirring function who can then call the paint-can-lid-removing function. Yeah, well, maybe next time I'll call the teacher-is-a-big-stupidhead function. . . . big stupidhead."
Anderson, a computer teacher of over ten years and a graduate of the University of North Texas, was surprised to hear that his students did not like his lecture.
"Kids usually respond well to the little stories I tell." Said Anderson. "Computer science can get pretty confusing, that's why I try to put it in terms the kids can understand. I guess you could kind of say I'm like Christ, teaching through parables."
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