Bush Refuses To Admit Folly Of Narnia Invasion
WASHINGTON—President Bush announced today that he still believes The United States made the correct decision invading the kingdom of Narnia, despite new intelligence showing that Narnia is not a real place.
"I don't think there's anyone who believes the world would be safer if the evil White Witch was still out there, enlisting naïve school children to capture humans," the President told reporters. "And to anyone who says that the conditions in Narnia were exaggerated . . . I mean, it was always winter there, yet never Christmas. . . . Never Christmas."
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Above: The fictional kingdom of Narnia was introduced to the world in C.S. Lewis' classic children's novel. |
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President Bush also clarified his pre-war message, stating that he never specifically said that Narnia was a real place, but rather that it had the capability of becoming a real place sometime in the future.
"Narnia was present in the hearts and minds of children throughout the world. It would just take one of those children to acquire some magical wood and construct an inter-dimensional wardrobe. That just wasn't a chance I was willing to take."
President Bush's message stands in stark contrast to that of John Kerry's ongoing campaign message.
"Now [John Kerry] has said that this was the wrong war, at the wrong time, in a non-existent place," said Bush. "Now if you're a soldier, and someone tells you that you are fighting an imaginary enemy, are you going to have any motivation to go on? We can't waver. We can't second guess ourselves. The only way this war is going to be won, and Aslan the lion successfully put back into power, is if we stay true to our cause. We will not prevail if we tell ourselves that the opponent is imaginary."
John Kerry has recently questioned the logic of reinstating Aslan to the throne of Narnia, stating that he would in reality only be a puppet of the Pevensie children and the eccentric Professor Kirke.
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