Obese Find Irony In Horrible Consequences Of Word-Wide Famine
The world's obese population is starting to see the irony in the world-wide famine that last month resulted in the starvation of every human on earth of average weight.
"I don't know, I was kind of bummed out by the whole thing at first," said Paul Mandelbaum, an obese man from Phoenix, Arizona. "I had a lot of friends and family members who were not obese, and it was annoying to see them die of starvation. But now that it's been announced that the world's farming infrastructure should be operational again in a few days, I'm starting to find it ironic that my excess body fat was the only thing that kept me alive all of these weeks."
Fellow Phoenix obese man Steve Rogers agreed with Madelbaum's analysis of the situation.
"I never thought I would find irony in the rapid destruction of most of the world's population," said Rogers, "but now that I think about it, I guess it is pretty humorous. I mean for all those years we were told that our health would be in danger if we didn't lose weight, and now it's the weight that prevented us from dieing slow and horrible deaths. It's . . . I'm sorry, it's just that . . . man, that's really funny."
Even young children have started to see the irony in the situation. First grader Milo Anderson from Toronto, Canada was at first devastated at the death of his parents, but has since been consoled by the fact that they died in such a hilarious way.
"I didn't even know what irony was before this happened," Anderson told reporters, but after it was explained to me, I thought, "Oh, I get it. My parents sent me to fat camp each summer, so that I wouldn't die a young death and turn into a vile, disgusting corpse; and now it's my parents whose emaciated bodies are slowly rotting away in the garage. Man, that's good.
"The world is so full of ironic circumstances, said Garret Paulson, a writer from Dallas, Texas. "But most of the time we don't spend time to think about them. I'm really glad that everyone's been able to find the fantastic irony in this horrible situation. It just really renews your faith in the whole human race—in art, in poetry, really in the whole creative human spirit. . . Hmm. Maybe I should apply to be a farm hand for one of those newly fixed-up farms. If we can't get people to grow more food, it won't really matter if the infrastructure is operational. . . No, this flyer says that they only want workers with healthy hearts. Oh, well. Maybe next time."
The last time large groups of people wallowed in irony was December 1999 when comedian Carrot Top was killed by Emperor Galgamon of the Galgamax nebula, whose evil mission was to eliminate all humor from the galaxy.
« Back (Volume 3, Issue 8)
[Current Issue]
