First-Grader Ridiculed For Ignorance Of Eminem
by: Daniel Riehs
BOSTON—First-grader Blake Phillips was ridiculed last Tuesday for uttering the words "Who's Eminem?" during a lunch-table conversation.
"I was like, 'What, are you gay or something?'" said Steve Short, a classmate of Blake's. "I mean, Eminem is like the best rapper ever, and rap is the best music ever, way better that Britney Spears."
 |
Above: Phillips, prior to the ridicule. |
|
|
 |
Phillips, a die-hard Pink Floyd fan, admits that this was not the first time such an embarrassing situation had occurred at lunch. Just two months earlier, Philips found himself ostracized for not watching The Real World reunion show.
"All my friends were talking about something that happened in a shower. I don't know. I felt like such a loser. I wish my parents would let me have cable."
Missing The Real World was forgivable, but as fellow first-grader Megan Taylor said, "Only stupid people have never heard of Eminem. Blake is a &%#@! loser. I betcha he doesn't even know what a %#$@! is."
Eminem, the foul-mouthed entertainer who seems to despise homosexuals, has recently found favor among young children thanks to a controversial marketing decision by MTV executives.
Carson Daly, the robotic spokesperson for MTV, said at a recent press conference, "MTV's decision to promote our programming to six-year-olds is something that I neither condone, nor lack disapproval for." Daly then went on a rant about being able to perform complex equations in his head but lacking the ability to use contractions.
When asked to comment on Phillips' embarrassing situation, as well as the whole issue of marketing offensive rap music to children, Blake's teacher, Ms. Topson, made an interesting comment. "If no one teaches the children to be responsible television viewers," she said, "How can we expect them to run for political office?"
Maybe, in time, the genius of Topson's statement will become clear, and her plan will come to fruition.
« Back (Volume 1, Issue 1)
[Current Issue]
