Neighborhood Teacher Doesn't Know Anything
by: Daniel Riehs
Toxey, Ala.—Mt. Hill Junior High School appears to be a typical institute of intermediate education. The school, however, has a terrible secret—a secret that imposes itself on every one of Mt. Hill's more that 200 students, and directly affects several dozen of the school's most academically accomplished ninth-grade learners.
Mr. Franklin, Mt Hill's substitute honors chemistry teacher, doesn't know anything.
"He doesn't even know the difference between polar and non-polar compounds," said Jeremy Peterson, a student in Franklin's class. "They don't have anything to do with polar and non-polar bonds. Even I know that. Even a stupid person knows that. Even a stupid dog with three legs know that."
Peterson refused to expand on his "stupid dog" remark, calling the interview "crockish," and "unimpinging."
Experts believe that Franklin, who holds a bachelor's degree in communications, was hired by Mt. Hill's administration as a temporary replacement for the school's former chemistry teacher, Martha Pots.
Ms. Pots went on sabbatical in June of 2001 to "explore her surroundings." With her return date in question, the junior high school had no choice but to hire Franklin.
"I've heard nothing but good reports about [Franklin]," said Phil Johnson, Mt. Hill's assistant principal. "He's in a difficult situation, trying to teach himself chemistry while working odd jobs to support his addiction."
Johnson went on to describe the students in Franklin's class as "stuck-up brown-nosing dorks who only care about grades and stay home on Saturday nights to play with their calculators and do other dorky, stupid, nerd things."
The interview ended abruptly with Johnson muttering something about "his plan drawing to conclusion." he then raced toward what he referred to as "the escape pod"—an escape pod that without proper training in chemistry, Franklin's students would have no chance of disabling.
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