Researchers Solve Ancient Riddle
by: Joe Morris
SHANGHAI, China—Researchers at the East China University of Science & Technology announced Monday that they had definitively concluded that a tree falling in the woods does indeed make a sound, even if no one is around to hear it.
A team of researchers using the latest scientific technology solved the Zen Koan, which has brought spiritual and philosophical enlightenment to Zen Buddhists for approximately 2000 years. Using their newly developed Ultrasonic Soundwave Detection System (USDS), the team, led by Xianjo Liu, was able to determine that a tree falling in the forest makes a distinguishable sound, able to be measured through the frequency and pitch of soundwaves traveling through the air.
"We found that trees make a kind of 'Crunch!' sound or sometimes even a 'Kerplow!' as they collapse," stated Liu, ecstatic over the recent discovery. "This discovery was shocking to me. I was expecting maybe a sort of 'bang' or 'boom' sound, but this . . . this is just amazing."
Research assistant Qian Xiao added with a slight Chinese chuckle, "Well holy Buddha on a stick! What'll we find out next, that Alf didn't really come from Melmac?"
The researchers, who refer to themselves as the Shanghai SuperSquad (SSS), also used their technology to make other groundbreaking discoveries, shedding light on various proverbs, riddles, and paradoxes.
"A woodchuck could chuck about 6.2 cords-per-hour of wood if a woodchuck could chuck wood," said Liu. He then added, "The sound of one hand clapping is a sort of 'whoosh' noise."
« Back (Volume 1, Issue 1)
[Current Issue]
