How Much Money Would You Give Me If I Drank This Gallon Of Mayonnaise?
by: Miles Fingersmith*
Hey, how much money would you give me if I drank this gallon of mayonnaise? Come on, you know you want me to do it. So, how much money do you want to pay me?
What do you mean, "That's disgusting. I don't want to see someone drink a gallon of mayonnaise?" It's not disgusting. This is your only chance to see a person drink a gallon of creamy, delicious mayonnaise. I can't believe you don't want to pay to see it.
This thing has like 30,000 calories! I'll probably go into convulsions and pass out in my own mayo-saturated vomit. Wouldn't that be cool? Come on, give me the money! Please? I can't believe you're letting a chance like this pass you by!
Come on!
Alright, how about this? I'll do it for free! You don't have to pay me! I'll just stand here on the sidewalk and drink this gallon of mayonnaise for nothing! Just tell me that you want me to do it, and I will. You don't have to do anything! Come on!
What do you mean, "The money has nothing to do with it?"
What do you mean, "Get away from me you sicko?"
Come on!
. . . Hey, how much would you pay me to inject a gallon of beef gravy directly into my veins? . . .
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*And by Miles Fingersmith, we mean Daniel Riehs.
Why is this footnote here?
