I Can't Believe That You Put Chicken On Your Tossed Salad
by: Arthur Handles*
I can't believe that you have the nerve to put pieces of chicken on your tossed salad. A tossed salad is supposed to be a side dish, an appetizer if you will. You've turned it into a freakin' entrée!
I realize that the salad bar had chicken on it. I'm not stupid. . . . But the salad bar also had potato salad on it. Did you see people putting potato salad on their tossed salads? I sure as hell didn't.
Why should I expect you to understand? You're just a typical American. You expect chicken at every meal. You expect chicken on every side dish. "Hey, look at me! I live in the United States. I drink chicken between meals. I brush my teeth with chicken paste."
Well, guess what? Not everyone has chicken! Do you think those children in Zimbabwe have chicken on their salads? They don't even have salads, and if they did, they sure wouldn't ask to have chicken on them. They're happy to eat grass. . . . Really disgusting, horrible-tasting grass. They'll eat anything to keep them alive for one more day. . . . One more day living with the pains of starvation, wondering when government leaders will see the error of their ways and try to save their dieing people.
Are you even listening to what I'm saying? Have you heard a word that I've said?
Did six million Jews have chicken on their salads when they were needlessly killed in the Holocaust?
Did 35 million innocent Chinese have chicken on their salads when they were killed by their Communist government?
Did 40 million Soviets have chicken on their salads when they were worked to the edge of human existence and then killed with artificially-induced famines?
You disgust me. . . . I can't believe that you put chicken on your tossed salad.
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*And by Arthur Handles, we mean Daniel Riehs.
Why is this footnote here?
