Saddam Hussein, Dan Rather To Participate In Emergency Fal-Tor-Pan
by: Daniel Riehs
BAGHDAD, Iraq—CBS News' Dan Rather arrived in Iraq Tuesday to be prepped for an emergency fal-tor-pan. The controversial procedure, if successful, will transfer Saddam's katra from Rather's mind back into the brain of the Iraqi dictator.
Saddam used an Iraqi mind meld to pass his katra to Rather during a February interview on Sixty Minutes II.
While, at the time, the wisdom of such a move was questioned; Hussein's foresight became apparent when the dictator was killed on March 20 by a U.S. missile attack.
"Ironically, the same missile that killed Saddam seemed to have life-giving effects on his deceased remains," said Uday Hussein. "Within days of the attack, the living body of a child-Saddam emerged from the rubble and began to age rapidly."
Uday then continued, "When it became clear that this resurrected Saddam lacked any sort of spirit or consciousness, I called on the United Nations to send me Dan Rather. I said to them, 'Send me this Rather!'"
Through the powerful and efficient diplomacy of the U.N., the United States was persuaded to send Rather to Iraq for the emergency katra transfer.
In an impromptu statement, coworker Andy Rooney expressed his gratitude at the United Nations for expediting the fal-tor-pan.
"I was sitting at my desk the other day, and Rather just burst in and started talking all jibbery-jabbery," said Rooney. "The guy had acting really strange lately, I mean way more strange than usual."
A clerical mistake resulted in Hussein first being implanted with the consciousness of prop-comic Carrot Top. Doctors are still uncertain if Saddam will suffer any permanent brain damage.
« Back (Volume 2, Issue 4)
[Current Issue]
