Neighborhood Man Actually Tells Children About Risk Of Death Due To Electric Shock
CHICAGO—Thirty-two-year-old Alex Marley actually told his children about the risk of death due to electric shock from hairdryers Tuesday, sources reported.
Marley, an experienced computer programmer, had been left at home with his two children for a weekend while his wife was on a business trip. When he became aware that it was time for Tommy, 5, and Jane, 6, to go to bed, he cautioned them about the hairdryer. Marley said that his cautionary words only succeeded in upsetting his children.
"Apparently, they never use the hair dryer," Marley told reporters. "And I probably should have realized that they wouldn't take baths without me giving them explicit instructions to do so. . . ."
According to Marley, he tried to comfort his children by stating that use of the dryer would be relatively safe if they just followed a few simple rules.
"Well," said Marley, "Electrical parts in the dryer, like those in most electrical appliances remain live even when the switch is in the 'off' position. I just suggested that Tommy and Jane unplug the dryer after using it and store it in a place where it couldn't fall or be pulled into a tub, toilet, or sink. Seemed like good advice to me. Who knew that kids would get so worked up over the possibility of grisly death by electrocution?"
While experts agree that most parents are intelligent enough not to bother their young children with terrifying stories about appliances that the children don't even use, many experts concede that Marley's situation is not unprecedented.
"OK, I'll concede," said one expert. "Marley's situation is not unprecedented."
At a press conference held two days after the event, Marley's wife, Joan, spoke to reporters.
"There wasn't even a warning tag on the hairdryer. I ripped them all off when I bought the thing. I figured, 'Why should I have to look at such morbid advice?' My kids don't go near the bathtub unless they're forced to. Sometimes my husband can be a real idiot."
Tommy and Jane Marley were unavailable for comment. Shortly after this incident, they were both killed in a horrible circular-saw accident.
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