What A Terrible Thing It Is To Lose One's Mind
A confidant and hump-backed President George W. Bush could not have put it any better Tuesday as he lobbed another smart bomb at Democratic opponent Sen. John Kerry.
"What a terrible thing it is to lose one's mind. That'll be the headline Thursday mornin' after that debate tomorra' night," guffawed the President as he quoted another contemporary conservative, also known for his witticisms.
The last of three debates takes place tonight, and the wires have reported that President Bush has been honing his talking point—even "taunting"—opponent and fellow Yale graduate John Kerry.
The Bush camp evidently believes that Candidate Bush has finally reached his rhetorical stride. He has mastered the mantra that he sees as the crux of his of bid for re-election. "You kin run—but 'yi cain't hide." (Translation: "You can run, but you can't hide.)
As any Bushy will tell you, the President now holds this as one of his core beliefs. God may have spoken to him again, this time telling Dubya to stop speaking in tongues and say something that the American electorate can comprehend. And Bush did. And does. And will continue to do until Kerry is punch-drunk and We The People are lulled into believing, too.
Once asked to name a philosopher who has influenced him the most Bush responded simply. "Jesus." Four years later, however, he has evidently read a real book and pondered the world matrix. He expresses his one idea most clearly and succinctly, deconstructing political truisms and setting new rhetorical and philosophical standards.
(The recently dead Jacque Derrida had nothing on Bush in clarity and succinctness. And despite the building of deconstruction upon ground prepared by the father of post-modern thought—Foucault—it now flounders in the wetlands of Bush's formidable New Think and Simple Speak.)
Now a self-satisfied Bush lolls under the Arizona sun, waiting to take center stage with Kerry. But does he underestimate the Democrat?
Kerry has reportedly been practicing one-liners and real zingers ever since the so-called Town Hall last week. If he can remember (Kerry has no hump on his back) the slick rejoinders written to deflect the President's pat verbal attack, he may not go down on the first strike.
According to a source inside the Kerry campaign, here is what we might expect in answer to the "You can run, but you can't hide" charge:
"The Alabama Air National Guard would beg to differ."
"Many of us, perhaps even many Republicans, would be delighted were you to do so."
"But as you well know, if you can't hide you can lie."
"If this is so, then how did Cheney get to be vice-president—he'll blow a gasket if he runs."
"Not since you allowed the ban on assault weapons to be overturned."
"Well somebody must have run and hidden the WMDs in Iraq."
"Stuff a sock in it. You can hide in Crawford after you're run out of Washington."
And "Speaking of hiding, what's that bulge under the back of your suit jacket?"
Kerry may be able to give as good as he gets. (He does, however, have a lot more to remember.)
On with the showdown, then. We The People may not always get what we want (to recall famous words), but if we try sometime we just might get what we deserve.
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