Senior Proposal
by: Frank B. Ford*
I can't stand the idea of young Americans dying in Iraq, and therefore propose a special force be raised of 70-year olds and up.
Many in this age group are veterans and recall much of the drill; though the army, of course, insists that it has become very technological in weapon systems and the like.
So? We'll squint through the manuals on the way there.
(Actually, a few of us—as our families can testify—know everything already.)
Oh, I'm hearing objections as to walkers and wheelchairs getting grit in the works, and stuck in the sand; the need for greater prescription support; tricky adjustment of prosthetics. . . . It goes on and on, but a few squirts of WD40 will fix the majority of these cases.
Also, those still afoot might keel over attacking in the heat. We'll need greater numbers. If an elderly draft must be instituted, so be it.
We have discipline, and will follow the orders we actually hear. Morning sorties? We get up early.
I almost forgot: It's quite the thing to scream when attacking. We'll complain—which, in its swelling aggregate, will prove just as psychologically destabilizing to a baffled enemy.
Now, some of us wander. They'll unfortunately become casualties, but not realize it.
Where can you sign up? Could you please speak louder?
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*This is the submitter's real name. No pseudonym was provided. (Frank B. Ford, 70, writes in Cocoa Beach, Florida.)
Why is this footnote here?
